Hi! I’m Crissy, Certified Generalist (i.e. Jack of all Trades, Master of None). Part-time Multimedia student. Part-time college bookstore clerk. Part-time stay-at-home attachment parent.  Agnostic with leanings toward Buddhism and Voudon.  Gemini Sun, Virgo Rising, Scorpio Moon…

My greatest aspirations include:

  • land on a moon made of cheese
  • choreograph color guard/drumline routines to Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights” and Sparks’ “Beat the Clock”
  • build a time machine so that I can play footsie with a wheel chair bound Orson Welles and run a cattery of the apple-headed Siamese with Laurence Olivier
  • form a band called Coke D**k** that sounds like a melange of Throbbing Gristle and Junior Vasquez.  We will probably write songs about how I have never shopped at Whatever 21 or why I hate going to Tar-jay
  • build Twin Peaks-themed chicken coops

I believe that life is one big inside joke.

I believe cream cheese makes EVERYTHING better.

I am probably the only Filipino in the world that can’t dance (unless you count dancing like a client at an old folks home), BUT I CAN DREAM.

It seems as though everyday I ingest and regurgitate software and computer languages, so to ground myself, I garden and raise chickens.

A sign that I’m teetering on old bitch status is: I procrastinate by exercising and cleaning.

In recent years, I’ve become more interested in process, than product as I am constantly trying to understand how things work.

I ditched maths* when I was a senior in high school, because I was under the influence of Oscar Wilde. I wanted to focus on the useless (art) and do away with the useful (maths/sciences). Now, I believe maths/sciences is alchemy.

In true Gemini fashion, I am a huge klutz, but I also have the balance of an acrobat. For instance, after previously doing several perfect cartwheels, I tried to pull a dance move from The Who’s Tommy the Musical at a grocery store, but somehow slid across two yards (probably more) of flooring like a bowling ball into a stack of three flats of beer. Naturally, I bounced back up and screamed, “Viva vaudeville!”

“Total Eclipse of the Heart” is my karaoke staple, but I’m currently working on making it “I Wanna Sex You Up”.

If you asked me about the phrase, “Those were my eggs!”, I will tell you an anecdote about one of the most entertaining events in White Trash history.

Sure, I don’t shave everyday, but I don’t leave my house everyday either.

Furthermore, I am quite annoying.

*I did this to purposely be annoying.
**Don’t do drugs, okay? I just have a thing for two-word phrases with harsh consonants like “Slope C**t”.


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